Cor Blimey, I'm speakin' American

Well, it had to happen! In order for me to be understood, I have to forgo the Queens' English and speak "American".

Perhaps I shouldn't, but I find myself giving into it. As I've mentioned previously, my very English accent is still a problem. So, I find myself dropping letters, over emphasizing others and basically, trying not to sound...well, English!

When ordering a sandwich (I won't mention the cheese debacle again); I'll say "too-nah" instead of "choo-nah" for tuna (who's to say which is correct?) and with the song cropping up in my mind, I have to say "toe-may-toe" and not "toe-mah-toe" to avoid said product being in my sandwich (sub, grinder...) and to just stop the withering look of "what the heck you sayin' lady?"

And whilst I haven't quite resorted to ending the admiration of a new born baby, or seeing a really nice pair of shoes with "awesome", I do find it occasionally popping up in my vocabulary.

Essentially, one must adopt these ways to avoid sounding so English, but find I myself thinking of Professor Higgins' contempt of the incorrect pronunciation of words but take heart that a part of me will always remain Eliza Dolittle, regardless of how I have to say things...bloomin' lover-ly.

...and world peace

As I flicked through the channels thinking that despite 500 odd channels to choose from, there wasn't anything I really wanted to watch, I happened across the 2011 Miss Universe Pageant. Great, I love this show...actually, I used to watch it when it was just Miss World...why is it now called Miss Universe? Are there other pageants taking place across the delta quadrant that once we're able to fly huge distances, we'll be able to meet up and have the ultimate Miss Universe contest?

I was very happy that Miss Angola won. Spotted her from the start; she was a natural beauty plus had an amazing evening dress on...not that that counted towards the final score. It's all about, beauty, poise and elegance.

Anyway, I appreciate that in the politically correct world that we live in, that we shouldn't like these types of programs. But I say, why the heck not? No one is forcing those young women to take part. Yes, perhaps it is a sophisticated step up from Toddlers and Tiaras but for the winner it's is an amazing opportunity. Unfortunately the opportunity is provided by Mr Trump, which makes me wonder what he gets out of it, I can't help but mutter, dirty old man! I'm not a fan of Mr Trump...but if he can't make money on hair pieces, why not invest in another kind of beauty eh?

As some may know, I did make the comment of '82 women and I saw only five worthy of the crown'. Seriously, I'm the first one to appreciate beauty in other women, but to me they all looked the same! Long, slightly curled brunette hair, painted red lips, whiter than white teeth and bodies that would make Jenny Craig happy. Is that what we see beauty as? And no doubt along with those proclaiming that this contest objectifies women, it's also a poor role model for young girls and tells us what to accept as beautiful. Yes, there is an element of this argument that I agree with, but surely we can appreciate beauty in others. It's not their fault that they're pretty!

In previous years I have questioned the winner as I thought there were far more prettier women in the contest. If I remember correctly, so didn't agree with the 2008 winner. Anyway, there were the usual 'mini contests' including best national costume which was open to all 82 ladies. And the inevitable swimsuit section, which I personally think they should rename to "scantily clad bikini" section (especially this year, as the bikini's had to be sent back because there wasn't enough material to them!) The evening dress part was my favorite bit. They all did look lovely, but some dresses...Lord knows what Miss Australia was thinking; apparently it was sent back and forth many times because of the style. Personally, she would have been better off leaving it where it came from! Really didn't do anything for her...

As the girls were eliminated from 16 to 10 to 5, came the final mini contest of being asked a question by one of the judges. This bit cracks me up and bizarrely enough comes across as the most false. Of course they have to give an answer that shows them in a good light. I'd love it if one year a judge asked the Miss Congeniality question "what is the one most important thing our society needs?" and they quoted..."harsher punishment for parole violators Stan...and world peace!" Hilarious...funnily enough, no-one did mention world peace...

Hubby asked why I liked watching Miss Universe and I said, that I appreciate beauty, I love the glamour of it all...and it's an opportunity to bitch about how they look in their bikini's, walk in their heels and carry themselves in evening dresses, after all I should know...I am the epitome of beauty, poise and elegance...ahem...

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Stormy Weather

Wow what a summer's it been! I've always been a fan of extreme weather, in particular tornadoes. And, a part of me did wonder what it would be like weather wise over here. I mean, everything is bigger and that had to include the weather, didn't it?

After the banks of 6ft snow that dominated the sidewalks slowly melted away in late March, everyone (bar me!) looked forward to summer. I'm not a huge fan of hot days. For starters, warmth coupled with humidity means that I end up looking like an extra from a 70s flick for the best part of three months!

Unlike ol' Blighty, there are prolonged days of sunshine as well as the hot temperatures. Las Vegas and Texas can consistently reach 104degF+ everyday and unfortunately this year the heat was relentless with a whole month of these temps with no rain! The South were plagued with countless tornadoes. East coast, we're a little bit luckier. Whilst we'll have the sun, guaranteed there's a thunderstorm close at hand to either lower the thermometer a couple of degrees or my favorite add to the humidity! As I've said before, the thunderstorms are just marvelous. It's an amazing sight - sheet lightening, rolling thunder and Hubby pleading with me to stay away from the windows. I convince him that I'll be fine and that my flip-flops are rubber soled!

Last year summer, Hubby and I didn't get our AC unit until quite late into the summer season. Our naivety that we'll be fine with the heat shattered quickly as we reached 80% humidity and moving a little finger resulted in an outpouring of sweat (nice, I know). So, this year, as soon as it hit mid May, we got the AC installed. Weeks later, we were still experiencing spring like weather and we thought that perhaps we were a little hasty in getting the unit so early. But, soon enough along came the hot weather.

What we didn't expect was a tornado that touched down west of Massachusetts...and the loudest thunder I've ever heard and the most fabulous prolonged sheet lightening. I couldn't actually "ooh and ahh" over it for very long as Hubby, when realizing that I wasn't back from getting up from the sofa would come looking for me and drag me away from the window, muttering, "yes very nice and exciting but if anything happens to you, I don't want to have to deal with your mother!"

We didn't think anything else of the summer after that; we had the AC at home, I had Starbucks (and their AC) during the day. Then Hurricane Irene decided to make herself known. At the time I wasn't particularly worried as the meteorologists were saying by the time it hit Boston/Mass it would be classed as a tropical storm but still to take it seriously. So, we bought bottled water, extra food, turned the fridge down in case of a power outage, got a torch but did forgo the wind-up radio. I-Day arrived and, whilst other areas got hit quite badly, Cambridge didn't. We have had worse thunderstorms. Yes, it was continuously windy and it rained a lot but it seemed more like a typical November day. Thankfully, Irene passed without affecting us too much. But I've now experienced a tropical storm.

The US are pretty well equipped with dealing with natural disasters. During the build up to the hurricane, we came home to find a voice mail giving advice of what to do during one, emergency contact numbers to keep at hand etc. (Unfortunately) I couldn't imagine ol' Blighty being so prepared. I mean, a leaf on a train line causes numerous problems!

Now that I'm here, I'm even more fascinated with extreme weather simply because if it can happen, it will happen here. I would love to go storm chasing. But I'm thinking, that if Hubby worries about me standing by a window looking at a storm, 'e ain't going to be best pleased with me in a 4x4 driving at 50mph, driving through darkening skies, with thunderous rain and hailstones trying to catch up to a tornado...

...oh well, looks like I'll just have to stick to watching Storm Chasers on the Weather Channel...

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Picture House Rules

As many of my friends raved about seeing the final (sniff) installment of Harry Potter, I waited patiently until a couple of weeks after to go see it. Why? Because people suddenly change who they are in a cinema and they become chatterboxes who can't watch a film without talking, eating or drinking noisily.

I believe it was HP 3 that as the film started a burst of applause and mild cheering erupted. Hubby and I exchanged 'per-lease' looks but things settled down fairly quickly and no further interruptions were made. During another HP film, the girl behind us kept whispering to her Dad why something was happening. I wanted to turn around and tell him that maybe he should have asked her what the film's all about before they sat down or indeed just read the book!

Don't get me wrong, I love going to the cinema. The smell of popcorn (although the US don't do sweet just salty popcorn with extra butter) grabbing a coke (US small is equal to a UK large!), the anticipation of watching my favorite actor on the big screen...love it all. I'm not even that adverse to some noise - honestly! I can drown out the occasional crinkle of a sweet wrapper, the clinking of ice-cubes and even the odd gasp or loud whisper of "no, she didn't?!". But what I can't stand is people not being able to be still, and appreciate that everyone has spent $20 or so to watch a film in relative quietness. I'd rather not have to endure the constant impression of a snake as someone whispers to their mates about the latest gossip or whether anyone wants a jelly-bean!

My aversion of seeing anything in the opening week came after watching Memoirs of a Geisha. At the scene where Chiyo is about to do an important dance to impress the Chairman, four college girls burst out laughing because of the 5" wedged shoes that she wears. It was a dramatic moment and those stupid girls ruined it by their giggling! I wish I had the nerve to slap the back of their heads - but I believe that's frowned upon and I would have been charged with GBH/ABH. Pity...

So, with that in mind, I thought that nearly three weeks after HP's release, it would be a fairly quiet room. Wrong! By then, they had moved the film to a smaller screen, so seats were taken up fairly quickly. Hubby and I sat in the back in the last row, with no-one in front of me. A guy sat in front, to my left, two empty seats to his right. His girl came back and then before I knew it, they had moved along. So now I have this tall bloke with hair that looks like he stuck his finger in an electric socket sitting right in front of me. Hubby asked if I could see, I said no; we swapped seats. I then asked Hubby if he could see to which he replied "er, I'm 6ft 4 love.." I'll take that as you can see then. Ahem...

Just as the film starts, another bloke comes in and sits next to 'electric boy'. Oh for crying out loud, bleedin' marvelous! I shifted around and as long as 'late arrival' doesn't also shift, we're good to go. And then he starts rustling something. I'll give him a little (that's very little) credit as he was rustling during a scene that didn't have anyone talking. But who cares...atmosphere man, atmosphere! During the film he scooted down and I could watch the screen straight on. But then the Bad Posture Fairy tapped him on the shoulder which meant he sat up straight again. Thankfully, said Fairy didn't bother him again when he slumped back down again. Yeah.

I managed to enjoy the rest of the epic saga that is HP but it also reminded me that whilst I love going to the cinema, I need to consider the following before I see the next film:

- people dithering, swapping seats, drinks, snacks...
- people getting up and going to the loo 8 times during one film (I'm sorry to be harsh, but why if you have a bladder problem, must you sit in the middle of the room, in the middle of the row?)
- those that have a need to discuss every dramatic moment
- or those who need to share their feelings during the film by cheering, clapping, sobbing or heckling.

And if it will be too annoying, I'll wait until the DVD comes out and watch it quietly on my sofa with a nice brew and some biscuits.


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Sin City

The main reason for hauling ourselves across country was to see Celine Dion (please see my previous post for details). And, besides that, I was looking forward to visiting Las Vegas because of its links with Elvis and more recently CSI...although, despite being an avid fan it did cause a little hesitation; I mean did I want to got to a place where a lot of gruesome crimes took place? What if we accidentally walked into the wrong part of Vegas? The episode of Greg encountering the gang of thugs who preyed on tourists filled my mind!

But I pushed them aside - Las Vegas was on my list of places to visit!

Packed and with Celine tickets in hand, we arrived late evening. And, when I say late, I mean ten to midnight. We found it quite difficult to find a flight that arrived midday but me thinks it's a marketing ploy. Flying over the city is an amazing sight. The strip and all the lights from the surrounding area twinkling above you is impressive. It also has a slightly surreal look to it as the city is ablaze with lights and its surrounded by a deep darkness that makes the place look like it's floating in mid air.

Before we arrived, we checked out the weather as we knew mid-June would be hot. So we knew to expect 100deg/F temps; the airport doors opened and "the air that came in was like the breath of an oven" (Roald Dahl, The Visitor). Hubby and I looked at each other wondering if we would survive the heat?!

We stayed at Caesar's Palace and were given a room in "The Towers", with a 'breathtaking' view of The Colosseum and a 1/3 of The Flamingo hotel. Despite the late hour, we dropped our bags and wondered around part of the hotel. Next morning, as suggested by the guide books, we allowed ourselves to acclimatise to the Vegas temperature...by staying in mostly! We ambled around the Forum Shops, stopped by a few Black Jack tables and tried to avoid the smoke. We didn't realize but smoking is allowed in all casinos and if you're not careful, as you walk through, a puff of smoke will drift in your direction from the patron 'spinning' the Wheel of Fortune wheel! Lovely..

Our ethos for the week was "path of least resistance". Why? Simply because of the throngs of people that sauntered along the sidewalk, through the casinos...at one point it felt like we were trapped on a conveyor belt just walking up and down the strip. And the remarkable thing? We walked miles that week but never left the strip! That's how big this place is - you think, lets just pop along to MGM, you see the sign in the distance, 20mins later, you're no nearer!

Hubby and I did quite a lot on our week away. Besides the marathon walking through hotels (I'm sure they perfected the "you have to walk through the entire hotel to get anywhere" stance from IKEA!); we saw the lions at MGM, walked beneath sharks at Shark Reef, donned flak jackets and became CSI rookies; brunched at The Four Seasons, took the elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower, met Elvis, Oprah and the President at Madam Tussauds watched the Sirens at Treasure Island, oohed and ahh'ed at the Volcano (ok, I did that) at the Mirage and went to marvel the Hoover Dam.

The best thing we did was visit the Gun Store, which basically gave anyone a chance to shoot a real gun! We had to choose which weapon we wanted to shoot and after a while, I eventually decided on a Glock 19, Hubby went with the Sig Sauer 226 and an M4 machine gun. After choosing our targets it was time to shoot and naturally, I was a tad anxious having never done it before. Boy the recall on the Glock was powerful, I have no idea how gangsters and the like can be so 'baad' ass with these things. And the noise! Geez...we both managed to cause serious wounds to our target, some were kill shots and others - well they were lucky we missed. The time flew but it was great fun..

Vegas is a shoppers paradise! I was amazed at the amount of people who popped into Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Cartier and actually came out with bags. But whilst trying to avoid being enticed, I spotted the Michael Kors handbags. My eyes were drawn to the beautiful Tangerine Gia Satchel. As I picked it up, sales assistants swarmed me. Hubby completely floored me by asking if I wanted it. "Is the Pope Catholic? Ah...if only" I sighed; and then he bought it for me! I kept saying no, you can't but Hubby being just Hubby ignored the mouth and followed the longing in my eyes! Gawd Bless 'im...

Overall, I'm glad we went to Sin City. Although disappointed that I couldn't feed actual quarters into the slot machines, I played the slot machines...in Vegas! There were some hotels that really needed a revamp (Imperial Palace was ropey to say the least!) and the cocktail waitresses that bought you drinks as you played the tables/slots were a lot of the times mutton dressed as lamb and some could do with whitening their dentures. The Pussycat Dolls tables were a highlight (I wonder why?!) but the girls doing the pole dancing a) didn't do it in time to the music and b) looked so bored?! Come the nighttime and there was a plethora of men and women dressed up to the nines queuing to get in to the clubs. Which made people watching a blast...ok it was mainly me bitchin' at what people wore, stunned at the heel heights and how many 'sugar daddy's' were around!

So if you're off to visit the great Las Vegas, I recommend (in no particular order) the following:

1. See Celine Dion - Caesars Palace
2. Lunch at Munch Bar - Caesars Palace (the chilli is to die for)
3. CSI Experience - MGM
4. Breakfast - Mandalay Bay/Four Seasons
5. The Gun Shop
6. A cup of tea & a slice of cake - Payard, Caesars Palace.

Oh and if you're going to gamble, study how to play the games...you could go home with a lot of money. Sadly, Hubby and I came away with $25 at the end of the week. Ah well, I'll stick to the Grand National, better odds. But I still won big time anyway...with my fabulous new handbag!! Viva Las Vegas...

Fabulous Celine

I've just come back from Las Vegas having seen Celine Dion in concert...it was AMAZING!!

There are very few artists that I 'love'. Readers of a previous entry will know that one of these few loves is my undying one for Rick Astley; and that was really it until Celine Dion came along.

I wouldn't claim to be her biggest fan, but I certainly have the majority of her albums and know the lyrics to all the songs, the names of her children, that she has a home in LA, Las Vegas and Canada...but, no not a huge fan.

I've always wanted to see her in concert but with one thing and the other, never got around to it. When she announced six years ago that she was going to do a five year show in Vegas, it got me thinking...wouldn't it be great to go and see her. But yet again, life intervened and pushed it to the back of my mind.

The five years came and went and I felt saddened that I didn't make it to see her. Sister kindly tried to get tickets to see her when she was doing her world tour, but it never happened. Then, Celine made an announcement that she was returning to The Colosseum and my mind started to race - for at the same time Hubby and I were America bound.

I again, put it to the back of my mind for a while but then April last year, I called Hubby (who was already stateside) asking nay, begging to go to the concert. I argued cost wise it may not be too much as we're already in America...cutting a long story short, my wonderful and generous Hubby agreed and a year later we were on a plane heading to Vegas.

The evening of the concert, as I got dressed I began to get very excited. Staying at Caesars Palace meant that we had a very short walk from the elevator to the main doors of The Colosseum, so I wore my strappy wedge heels without fear of a blister!

I wasn't 100% sure of the seats that I booked. Looking at a diagram when booking I figured we had pretty good seats. When we were shown to our seats we were less than 10ft away from the stage; albeit we would spend most of the show looking side onto Celine, but frankly, I didn't care! I was seeing Celine live!

Before we went, I said to Hubby that we had to dress up. No ball-gown and tiara but nice, smart jeans and a shirt type thing. So we did that but actually felt a tad overdressed when we looked at what some people wore. Forgive me for sounding like a snob, but why have people lost the sense of occasion? You're here seeing Celine at Caesars Palace! A few people were wearing three-quarter length trousers and trainers, one guy had on a shorts and a vest type thing. I couldn't help but have a look of disdain on my face!

Moving on....

....we settled into our seats and the show began; and boy was it amazing! The stage setting was simple as its main focus was the orchestra that played behind Celine. As she sang her first song, images of when she first started singing appeared. The show included a tribute to Michael Jackson who came to see her at the first set of Vegas shows and a duet with Stevie Wonder and an incredible french song which reduced her to tears.

Her array of dresses were stunning - long flowing numbers with just the right amount of sparkle and the shoes! Fabulous...works of art.

The concert was soon over ending with a couple of numbers that had us all on our feet dancing. Thankfully, it drowned out the old guy who sat next to me who insisted on humming away to most songs. I wouldn't have minded except he hummed out of tune and a tad loudly...

Celine's encore was to sing My Heart Will Go On. She wore a sea green/light aqua flowing dress with a jeweled flower motif at the waist. As she sang, she was raised on a podium and as the song hit its crescendo, down came a circular cascade of water around her. Breathtaking!

Even if you're not a fan of Celine, I would recommend seeing her. She's funny, chats with the audience, she sings live every night...and boy is she a powerhouse of a singer. Brilliant stuff...I wanted to see her all over again...but we had other things to do in Vegas and well, I couldn't subject Hubby to another Celine concert....or could I?


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Driving on the wrong side - Part 1

So, my UK license is only valid for about a year in the land of the free.
That's fine. I know how to drive and cars being mainly automatic - no problem (my beloved peaugot was an automatic).

Knowing that I'd have to get a US license, I ventured into the nearest bookstore thinking that I'd purchase the US equivalent of the Highway Code. I looked and looked but to no avail; so I spoke to the lady at Information. Luckily, she was English and understood me saying "do you have the American version of the 'Highway Code'?" It seems no, but if you go the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) site I can download it for free (as opposed to going to the DMV office and paying $5?!! Go figure, someone missed a trick there!)

Whilst chatting, she (Information Desk lady) said the road test was very easy - 10/15min it's nothing to worry about. Excellent, I thought but then again ten or fifteen minutes road test? No wonder there are so many bad drivers around. No wait, that's due to them driving, whilst on their cell phones, around corners, ignoring/getting annoyed at pedestrians on the crossing.

Moving on. Hubby, the gem that he is, printed out a copy of the Massachusetts Drivers Manual for me to start revising. I should point out that every state has their own set of road regulations and signs as well as the 'doesn't matter where you live, these are the road regulations'; and if you move to another state, you need learn their state laws, re-take your test and surrender your previous state driver's license. Geez...

I start to read/memorize road signs and regulations. And, although I've driven a few times on American soil, reading said material made a lot of things clearer! having said that, common sense plays a major role in driving - where ever you are in the world (lesson over, ahem).

There isn't a lot of difference in US signs to UK, just different expressions. For example, the 'Give Way' sign is 'Yield', the motorway is called the interstate etc; oh and of course, driving on the right hand side of the road. That's not too much of problem...it's the fact that the drivers sit on the left-hand side of the car. Thank God an automatic car means no shifting gear otherwise I would be doing moves from Saturday Night Fever trying to remember that the gear stick is to the right of me!

As I continued through the book I came across the section on 'Rotary Systems'. And in English...that's a roundabout; but bizarrely enough a smaller 'rotary' is called a roundabout?! In my world, ain't that the same thing? I have no issues with roundabouts, but being over here...well, I'm not overly keen on them. Firstly, I'm approaching them from the right hand side of the road and then giving way to the left. It was clearly stated that the car travelling in the rotary has right of way. Well, duh! otherwise you'd go ploughing into them?!

Anyway, I found a free online testing site and worked through the test papers getting between 80-95% (who had the right of way at an intersection always tripping me up). So between reading the manual and taking the online tests, I figured I'd pass the written exam.

I arrived at the DMV office, sat around waiting for my ticket to be called then realised after 40mins that the receptionist didn't tell me that I had to go to the 2nd floor. She claims she did. I refrained from pointing out that if I had heard her would I have not trundled up there? So, having cursed her with a miserable day, headed up to hand over my paperwork. This aforementioned paperwork consisted of -

my passport
my UK license
my application for a drivers permit
my birth certificate
a letter from the social security office stating that I don't get benefits and documentation with my current home address

I'm only getting a drivers license...not a renewal of my visa!!

Anyway, the guy at the counter didn't take long to go through all of that stuff. Unfortunately, he mumbled so I felt like I kept saying "Hmmm?" and "Sorry?", "Ah..um, excuse me?" all time and thought he'd insist on my taking a hearing test. He was interested and pleasantly surprised that I was from Guyana and recommended that I go to South Africa - although he hasn't been himself? (shaking my head in a perplexed manner)

I then entered the room where you take the "written" test. It is in fact a touch screen set up. I had 25mins and had to get 18 questions correct. The first 8 questions, I sailed through (they tell you straightway if you got the question correct), got the next 6 wrong only because they were blithering on about if you're 16 what's the minimum fine for driving without an adult, what's the fine/sentence if caught with an illegal substance. I don't know...I completely forgot reading about that and who cares if a 16yr old gets done...it's their problem for getting caught! The next 10, fine...they were road signs and before I knew it I had passed (yeah me!)

I now have the road test to endure. And for that...I need to have a sponsor. What's that? I hear you cry. No, it's not someone I will call in the middle of the night when I have a crisis about why it can't be called a roundabout instead of a rotary, no, it's someone who will be with me in the car as I take my test. Yes, in the car with me as I take my test. Crazy, I know. It's bad enough I'm worrying about taking a test on American roads, but I have to have a passenger with me? beyond comprehension, I tell yah.

Oh and as for my 'curse' to the receptionist who claimed she told me to go to the 2nd floor? As I left the DMV offices, she was talking in an exasperated manner on the phone and had a queue of 12 people, looking bored and annoyed, waiting for a ticket...



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Location:Chauncy St,Cambridge,United States